How Being a Boudoir Photographer is Kinda Like Being a Domme

I’m a queer & kink boudoir photographer. I’m also a submissive brat, irl.

A while back, I was talking on the phone and laughing with one of my friends about how so many people comment on my TikTok videos in absolute disbelief that I’m not a domme in real life.

He told me…

“But Sam, you kinda are. Like you’re obviously not actually a domme, but the way you create trust, take care of your clients, and guide them in a vulnerable state…it’s kinda dommey. Plus, you do the dominant poses way too well. I can totally see why they get that vibe!”

I realized that he’s kinda right (yes, about the posing part too 😂😈). As a boudoir photographer, it’s my responsibility to:

Foster a safe, affirming, trusting, and consent-focused environment when you’re in a vulnerable state
Learn your boundaries beforehand so I can respect them during the session
Discuss every part of the session experience with you before you book so that way you know exactly what you’re signing up for
Study your body language & inflections in speech during your session so I can make sure that you are genuinely excited, feeling good about poses, and consenting to outfits, poses, and props
And most importantly — praise you like crazy for being SO DANG HOT AND GORGEOUS

When I really think about it, I actually incorporate a lot of kink and D/s dynamic knowledge into the way I run my boudoir business.

Wanna hear how? Let’s get into it.

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Vetting & Trust Building

When you find me on social media:

The boudoir experience with me doesn’t start when someone books or even when they inquire — it starts the second they find me online for the first time.

I want to make sure that what you see in my TikTok posing videos is what you get when you talk with me on Zoom before booking and it’s what you get on the day of your session.

I’m bubbly, a little sassy, laugh a lot, am the biggest cheerleader for my clients, ramble on and on with ADHD side rants, mess up and laugh about it, dance and giggle when I’m happy, and I’ll rage about everything that is happening in the world with you.

The Zoom call before booking:

After you get in touch with me about a boudoir session, we schedule a video call together to go over allll the details, the process & experience, investment, and questions.

A lot of boudoir photographers are so sales-focused that they outsource this part and have an assistant book people over the phone for them. Some don’t even share full pricing upfront, just the session fee and starting price for packages.

I hate that.

WHY should anyone book a session (and boudoir sessions are not cheap!) with someone who they haven’t spoken to directly, haven’t seen on camera to make sure they’re even real, and haven’t gotten to check the vibe beforehand?!

Nope nope nope.

Maybe it’s just because I know the importance of proper vetting from the kink world, but…

Making sure you feel comfortable with me, trust me to create a safe environment for you during a really vulnerable session, feel excited about every single part of the process, know all the pricing and how much you’re spending, and feel like you could have a fun time in your session with me is SO SOOOOO SO SO IMPORTANT to me.

The Questionnaire (aka, negotiations)

Before every session, I have a client fill out a detailed questionnaire that tells me everything that I need to know in order to make them feel CONFIDENT, COMFORTABLE, and SAFE when they’re in my studio.

I ask about:

How you want to feel during your session
Your relationship with your body & how you want that to grow
If you have any physical limitations or injuries I need to know for posing safely
Your boundaries with each individual kink prop, nudity, and me touching your clothing/hair during posing

I even have you rate your boundaries using the Stoplight System so I know what’s a definitely yes, no, and maybe, and emphasize that consent to using any props, nudity, and can always be taken away at any point during the session!

Telling me all this beforehand ensures that I know what is an absolute RED when you are in a clear state of mind — I don’t want to be asking you, “You cool with some nude photos?” when you’re having fun during your session, feeling fucking amazing, and endorphins are running high because you may regret your answer later when the high comes down.

Armed with all this info, I can plan out a posing flow and plan for the session day that’ll make you feel all the things you told me that you want to feel like empowered, sexy, and badass, while ALSO making sure you also feel safe and respected with me the whole time.

The Session

I had a client recently who marked off a green boundary for implied nudity (where the client poses nude, but is covered with a sheet, props, or using hands to cover chest and genitals so nothing is fully showing) and yellow for full nudity.

There’s a masculine booty pose that I love and wanted to do with them, but it involves implied nudity. Here’s another client in this pose (who gave me consent to share!):

I explained this pose to the client, who if you remember, had marked off green (as in yes!) for implied nudity, and asked if they felt comfy with it.

They hesitated.

“Ye-yes. Okay. Let’s do it.”

That very slight hesitation was all I needed to know, so I asked again and re-affirmed that we could do the pose with gray boxers on instead if it made them more comfortable — or not at all.

*sigh of relief*

“Actually, yes! I want to wear the boxers. Thank you for asking again.”

You see, I am acutely aware of the subtle power dynamic between photographer and client during a boudoir session — the client is in a very vulnerable position, mostly disrobed in front of a fully dressed person with a camera who they hired to direct them into poses and take photos of them.

It’s my responsibility to make sure my client feels safe and respected in every moment.

This client’s first instinct was to just go along with the pose because I’m the photographer telling them what I wanted them to do for the photos they hired me to take and they already said yes to implied nudity in their questionnaire, so why shouldn’t they just do the pose…right?

But they hesitated. And it’s my responsibility as the photographer to catch that and change course.

I like to tell my clients that the end result photos look so serious, dark, and moody, but that the session itself is not that serious. We have fun, laugh, and play with ideas!

But the truth is, it only feels so carefree, comfortable, and fun because it IS that serious for me.

I walk you through poses and notice small things that you struggle with, but don’t mention. Like if you make a fleeting expression because you’ve been kneeling for a little too long or if you keep adjusting all your straps because you don’t love the way an outfit looks on you.

I watch for your face lighting up when I show you the back of the camera so I know what type of posing to do more of, and take note of the reactions that feel a little forced so I know what to do less of.

I carefully guide you through how to do a pose so you never have to question what to do with your hands or face.

I hire a professional, knowledgable rigger to do any shibari work so that way I know you’ll be guided expertly through it, be safe while posing in ropes, and have someone there to cut you out in an emergency situation.

And of course, I cheer you on like crazy, screaming about how gorgeous you are and how amazing you are and showing you the back of the camera so you know I’m not lying.

Aftercare

By the end of the session, you are FEELING. YOUR. SELF. Like walking on water, strutting down the hall to the bathroom, taking selfies to send your partner, feeling like the baddest bitch in the world kinda vibes.

But when all those happy chemicals in your brain jump right up, they also can come crashing down.

That’s where aftercare comes in.

Once we wrap up on your photos, we wind down. You get into something comfy, maybe snuggle up on the couch with a blanket, and I feed you! No, not literally 😂 We order lunch (on me!) and we get to just hangout and talk for a while.

One of my clients told me that it was arguably the best part of the day — eating Chinese food on the floor (because we decided the floor was more fun that day), recapping the session and talking about life, and laughing…a lot!